Thoughts of a (married!) Broad

Luray Caverns

2010-09-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

Blake and I went to Luray, VA in the Shenandoah Valley for our anniversary. It was so gorgeous. I have heard tall tales about the beauty of the Valley and upon seeing it for myself I discovered that they are not so tall.

There are several natural cave systems in and around the Valley and we chose Luray. I am so glad we did. I was in awe.

I think Blake wants his head on a pedestal someday. Or something.

I wish that Blakes cell phone camera could have capture how amazing these formations really were. Some were quite large, as high as 50 feet tall and a 100 or so feet in diameter.

Well. I think that's all my adorable blogging blaughers.

Yes, actually.

That is all.

~B

A year.

2010-09-01T12:59:00.000-07:00

Before I knew it, it was a year.

I Hate Everything Today

2010-08-09T15:49:00.000-07:00

*See post title*

I just finished my Monster profile. It only took me all day. I hate new jobs. I hate scrutiny. GAH. In the midst of all this "Tell us about yourself" crap I get all discombobulated about how dismal I look on paper. Poop.

In other news!!

Here is a smattering of what I have been up to the last month:

Not much really. I have been incredibly lazy and it was everything I never knew I always wanted.

The Husband and I. After a day spent at Kings Dominion. Roller coasters, water slides, sunshine and unrivaled humidity. I looked (and felt) like a boiled hot, wet noodle. It was so worth it.

I went to DC again.

This is the creek in my yard. It's pretty.

Colonial Williamsburg. I dunno, folks. It was very touristy. Not very true to period as it advertises. If you want to see the really good museums to have to pay like $45 per person. Lame dash o. History should be free. That's the creed that I live by. I learned some things though. Like, it seems pretty lucrative to sell cheap novelties made in Japan to tourists as long as you're wearing colonial costumes.

Kings Dominion from the sky.

Anywhosiewatsits. There will be more later. Someday.

That is all.

~B

2010-06-27T09:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my husband told me that he determines whether or not a pair of pants fit him by doing a high kick in them. Perfect high kick = perfect fit.

It wouldn't be as funny if he weren't completely serious.

That is all.

~B

Movie Night

2010-06-08T11:32:00.001-07:00

ATTENTION EVERYONE!!

DO NOT under any circumstamces watch the movie Babel starring Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchet and some asion chick that likes to take her clothes off.

It will be approximately two hours of your life you will never get back and it is not worth it.

That is all.

~B

Our New House and Meteor Crater

2010-06-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

Behold Boys and Girls. Our new (old) house. I haven't actually been to it yet, but this is where we are going to live. It's weird moving almost blindly to it, but I would move here for the yard alone. It's so pretty!

The Front of the house

The front yard, looking out from the living room

One of the four bedrooms

The enclosed back porch

The side yard, drive way and my FIL.

It's a pretty big house for just the two of us, but that just means we will have to go directly into our mass production of children. Kidding. It does mean that we will have plenty of room for you all when you come visit us! Ha! am so gratful to my in-laws for doing all the footwork for us. They drove several hours to go look at the house for us and take the pictures. I felt better knowing that our landlord is a person David has known for 20+ years.

The house is about 8 miles out of town and on 2 acres. There is a small stream the meanders through one side of the property and there are cornfields on two sides. It seems to be perfect. I can't wait to see it in real life. :)

So our cross-country move has inspired us to see everything in AZ that I have never seen. So Blake invited my Mom, Dad and Tyanne to go to Meteor Crater with us.

That is all.

~B

Carbon. Footprints. What?

2010-05-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

For while I have heard people talk about their carbon footprint. I had a vague idea about what it meant and a lingering curiosity about the size of mine. I found a website and calculated mine.

I had a feeling that the car part would be the biggest part of our footprint since we drive oh, 100 miles a day to and from work, but our secondary was the largest part. Meaning; I should recycle more, buy organic and stop using my bank card so effing much. I KNOW! My debit card is adding to my carbon footprint. All those darn receipts. Another thing i didn't realize, but now that I know it makes perfect sense, even the recreation you choose i.e. going to the movie, eating out, and shopping all add to your footprint. Sheesh. Luckily we are too fastidious to do those things and our recreation is usually a walk or hike. Unless we're near a Best Buy, Game Stop or Sears. Blake can smell those from about 12 miles away.

Anyhoo. I vow to compost, grow things, walk more, drive less, buy organic, and recycle. It really is a good idea, and not because I'm sooo trendy.

That is all

~B

Cancer Schmancer

2010-05-20T22:23:00.001-07:00

Frigging cancer. I want to kick it's ass. I wish it would die.

That is all.

~B

Richmond, VA

2010-05-17T20:28:00.001-07:00

You are looking, boys and girls, (Probably mostly girls) at my new city of residence. Richmond, Virginia. I gave my notice at work, told Mom and Dad, and reserved a UHaul.

It's official. We are moving. July 2. I am excited, curious, thrilled and utterly heart broken. Arizona is my home. My dry, dusty, windy home but, from what I hear, Virginia is for (History) lovers.

All who have my personal contact info are welcome (and begged) to come visit us anytime. I will take you to our Nations Capital (Which is 1.5 hours away),New York City (5), Philadelphia (4), or for all you Office fans out there FABULOUS Scranton, PA! (6) I'm not kidding. This is not a test.

That is all.

Team CoCo

2010-05-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

Weekend before last my husband suprised me with tickets to Conan O'Briens' "Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television" tour. It was AWESOME.

I laughed my butt off. With the exception of the girl sitting next to me that showed her boobs (I'm not joking), I loved it. My husband plans awesome suprises :)

Question: Why is Brett Michaels making this face in EVERY SINGLE PICTURE taken of him?

That is all.

~B

The Canyon

2010-04-25T20:51:00.000-07:00

Every time I see the Grand Canyon I am blown away by the sheer vastness of its...vastness. Last Saturday Blake and I decided to go see it. We took a small hike down the South Kiabab Trail to Cedar Ridge. There is a spot on the trail called Ooh Ahh point. I crawled out onto the ledge at Ooh Ahh Point to enjoy my Grapple (Everyone, go buy yourself one, because they are magically delicious).

As I was sitting there with my husband and my grapple, something occurred to me. They should have just called it The Canyon, instead of The Grand Canyon. To say it is "Grand" feels like so not enough. By calling it the canyon, their efforts to describe its gee-dandy-great-awesome-amazingness would not have failed so miserably. By calling it The Canyon, it would have been able to just speak for itself without having to use an adjective which so miserably fails at adequately describing it's magnificence.

Cedar Ridge with 10x zoom from Ooh Ahh point

In closing, I would like to send a great big "THANK YOU!!" to the lady who very pompously and sarcastically said "you're welcome" to me as she stopped to let us by at a narrow spot on the way back out. I was approaching mile 3 of our hike out, the last of which was exclusively uphill. I was way too out of breath to speak at that point, and it didn't occur to me how rude I must have seemed to her. The high altitude, thin air and crippling exhaustion had temporarily disabled the part of my brain responsible for etiquette and polite behaviour. To her I would also like to say; You're lucky I didn't puke, then pass out on you. Also, thank you for reminding me to be polite to strangers.

Also, please respect The Canyon.

For Your Health!

That is all.

March Madness

2010-04-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

13.6 seconds left in the final and I will have my husband back. I don't give a crap if gay ol' Duke wins or not. It will be over...just in time for the Masters. Geez. I think this is the universes' way of getting back at me for all the trash talking I did about televised sports and the people who watch them. My husband is a certifiable sports (televised) addict.

That is all.

~B

P.S. Duke just won.

Another True Story...

2010-01-04T10:44:00.000-08:00

The other day was a particularly busy day at work. I drank a lot of water. Then I had to pee. A lot. I ran into the bathroom at the first opportunity. I didn't lock the door. As I was sitting staring at the floor with with my head in my hand, elbows resting on my knees (Does anybody else do that in the bathroom?) I heard the door squeak. I look up just in time to see it click shut.

WHO SAW ME PEEING?!

WHO DOESN'T KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING A PUBLIC RESTROOM WHEN THE DOOR IS SHUT?!

I tried to figure out who it was with my psychic powers. They don't work. If my powers did work, I might have seen that I could have avoided this had I just LOCKED THE DOOR.

This was over a week ago and I can't quit obsessing over it. I've ran it over in my head several times and there a couple people in the office I prefer that it was.

WHO WAS IT?!

That is all.

~B

The Following is an actual conversation I had recently

2009-10-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

Me (On the phone with Blake): Babe! What are you doing?

Blake: Oh, Just watching some TV. When are you going to be home?

Me: Babe, I went to Alco today. I bought something. I spent some money.

Blake: Ok. What did you buy?

Me: Babe, I bought some hair dye and some other stuff.

Blake: What other stuff?

Me: ...some make-up...(rather hurriedly and all in one breath) Don't be mad! Are you mad? Don't be mad Babe. I know you think make-up is silly, and you like me without make-up but I like to wear it and it wasn't that expensive and I know were trying save money but it was payday and we have been really good about saving and also I got my bonus and I really needed some and I like to use it sometimes. Don't be mad Babe. Are you mad?

Blake: uh... Huh hu ha ha ha. Hmmmm...

Me: Babe. You're mad hu? Hu babe. Don't be mad. I'm sorry. Don't be annoyed.

Blake: Why would I be ma...

Me: Seriously, Babe. I'm sorry. I dunno. I'm weird today. I dunno. I'm sorry. I weird, I'm crazy, I'm weird. Geez. Why do I feel weird about this. Crap. I'm weird. I'm just weird weird weird.

Then my phone dies.

Why, I ask you, has getting married and sharing a bank account turned me into a weird weirdo that questions everything I normally bought when Blake has never even said anything about anything. Why do I call Blake "Babe" all the damn time?

That is all.

The Time I did A Whole Bunch Of Awesome Life Changing Stuff And Then Didn't Blog About It For A Long Time

2009-10-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

Hi. I know its been a while, and I almost resorted to deleting this sorry excuse for a blog. I mean, whats the point? My last post was in...April? But then I was like, no Bethany, no. Your fans have not forsaken you. You must not forsake them. So with out further ado, I give you what I've been up these past months.

Firscht of all. I got MARRIED!!! To Blake. We got MARRIED.

Then, we went on a honeymoon. To the Bermuda Triangle. It was gorgeous. I was looking through all of the pictures I took and NONE of them portrayed with accuracy the beauty which we beheld there. SCHERIOUSLY! The Caribbean is sooooooooo pretty.

It took some getting to get there. We had two layovers before actually landing at our destination. When I first glanced over our itinerary I was a little dismayed to learn that there would only be 20 minutes between the time we landed at our last lay over in Ft. Lauderdale, FL and when our final flight departed but I didn't really worry too much about it. When we got to Ft Lauderdale they wouldn't let us get on our last plane because apparently, it's illegal to book an international flight without at least an hour for the passenger to board prior to leaving. In the end the airline gave us money for food and a night in hotel and put us on the earliest flight to Freeport the next day, but not before they lost our luggage. We spent three hours at the airport in Florida while they tried to find our checked bag, which incidentally was full of thawing chicken (Food in The Bermuda Triangle is EXPENSIVE).

In any case, we got there a day late with a bunch of thawed chicken we had to eat quickly that was supposed to last us all week.

There were so many underwater caves. Maybe it was because I have watched too many movies, but whenever I saw one like the one show above, I had amazing daydreams about pirate booty buried deep inside which could only be found during low tide. I'm convinced it was in there. Too bad I'm not SCUBA certified, and that it was high tide.

This was the view from our bungalow.

It stormed almost everyday. It was awesome.

I wish everyone could love flying. I do.

Lincoln Memorial

Don't be mad, but I think Washington, D.C. was my favorite part of all my travels recently.

Arlington National Cemetery

Washington Monument

J. Edgah Hoovah! At Congressional Cemetery

Jefferson Memorial

Casa Blanca (Blanco? I dunno, my Spanish is rusty)

Magnolia trees at the Smithsonian Castle

The Smithsonian Castle

Unfortunately, I drove from coast to almost coast and only managed to take about...four pictures. I think it was because we did it in such a hurry and we were so ready to be home. BUT!! I had a moment at the Mississippi River, and captured the following moment on digital media.

Well, there it is. Everything seems so small when viewed after the fact. The last few months of my life really have been larger than life. The hardest, longest, weirdest, saddest, best months of my life.

In closing, I would like to tell you all that the correct spelling of the word is "GRATEFUL" not "GREATFUL" which is how I spelled it in the approximately 75 thank you notes I mailed out yesterday.

NEW POST!!!!!!!!!!one1!!!

2009-04-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

I know its been a while, and I promise a new and improved Thoughts of a Broad post very soon. I just heard today that there is a confirmed Swine Flu case in Arizona. I found a wesite about Swine Flu that I thought was pretty handy. It has a very efficient way of determining symtoms and what not.

Anyhoo, I've posted the link here for all of you. Hope it helps.

http://doihaveswineflu.org/

That is all.

~B

Facts.

2009-03-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

Fact:

Every time I go to leave my house alone and it's dark outside, I have these thoughts that come to me like the introduction of story on Unsolved Mysteries and the narrator in my head always has the voice of Robert Stack. They usually only happen between the door and my car, and they usually go something like this:

It was a chilly, rainy evening in March when Bethany was last seen leaving for the grocery store.

After I get in and start the car, the narration stops. It almost feels like one of those choose your own adventure novels or something. When it starts it always ominous, and I know that it's the beginning of a disappearance or mystery, but I have no idea where it's going, or what happens.

Fact:

There is no excuse for this sorry blog.

Fact:

I hate head colds. I would rather have the flu. The vomiting, aching, diarrhea-ing stomache flu, than a cold. With the flu, the odds of getting out of work due to illness are much better than with a cold. With a cold, people (in my own mind, maybe not really though) expect you to suck it up and take a Dayquil or something, but with a flu, the first mention of diarrhea and they are like "Oh! Stay home! Get better! Drink lots of liquids!".

Fact:

I have always wanted a chia pet.

Fact:

Lima beans are toxic waste.

Fact:

I think I like this boy.

That is all.

~B

2009-03-03T19:58:00.000-08:00

WHY

VD

2009-02-13T17:09:00.000-08:00

At first I was thinking of posting something like this for Valentines Day:

(thanks Genny, over at Hartley)

THEN!!! This boy

sent me these

and I changed my mind.

More thoughts

2009-01-05T18:35:00.000-08:00

Hi all. Listen, Ok? There are a shit ton of reasons I haven't posted lately, ok? I know this may come as a great shock and surprise to you agoraphobic xenophobe’s, but not only am I incredibly busy and VERY important, but also in this world today there are more important things than blogging with which to be concerned.

Like the discovery that obesity is linked to ovarian cancer, Obama picking Leon Panetta for CIA director, gun attacks in Athens, the fact that teens talk about violence and sex on myspace, the Mumbai Dossier, the fact that Israeli troops, with air strikes tried to sieze ground from Hamas Militants today despite international calls for a ceasefire in a conflict that has killed more than 540 Palestinians in 10 days, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson broke up and Lindsay decided she likes guys now. -- there are international tragedies occurring at this very moment the likes of which we've never borne witness to before. This fragile planet we live on is in constant social and economic turmoil. The ever-increasing ferocity of religious and political zealots and their blatant impetuosity to die for the materialization of their disturbing ideals threatens the very sanctity of our sentience as human beings.

Hahaha! Sike! I don't even know what the hell I said up there. Seriously. "...their blatant impetuosity to die for the materialization..." ? "...threatens the very sanctity of our sentience.." ? Haha. I have absolutely no idea what any of that junk means. And as for the stuff about Athens and Myspace and crap? Yeah, I totally just pilfered that off Google News. I'm pretty sure all of this talk is just about high cholesterol or some such bather, so I don't even get what the big deal is about this whole situation. I mean, helloooo, just cut down on all the effing butter and ice cream and egg yolks. Not that hard. Geez.

Who am I kidding. All of this bad news really did make me stop and ponder. Made me think. Made me pause. Made me wonder. Who am I? Where am I going? What does it all mean Basil? I sat in silence and engaged in a few moments of quiet meditation. And in the silence I realized, you know what? I am someone. I am Bethany. I am Bethany of Thoughts of a Broad. I am the girl who cusses too much. I am the blogger who cared enough to post pictures of my vacation, living room, and life. I am the chick who writes pointless blog posts (i.e.: this post). I am the one who hasn't updated this shitty blog in forever. I am the owner of a blog no one reads. I AM ME!

That is all

~B

P.S. I'm bringing "sike" (or is it psyche...?) back. Tell all your friends.

There is some weirdness today in my mind and in my Uterus

2008-12-02T11:24:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot of speculation around Casa de Scarbrough about the next four years. I remember the same speculation right about the time Clinton was elected. That ol' rascal :). Actually a lot of speculation about the coming years. Not just the next four. I do not wish to get into to this speculation.

I would like to say something though.

I have been thinking a lot about the war, peace, humanity, life. After all this pondering it occurred to me that if I live my entire life without surviving for a time on wheat and rice while living in a fox hole for several years while purifying my own urine for drinking water while the infrastructure of the world around me crumbles, and the depravity of humanity reaches the unbearable world wide, I'll smile and die happy.

Call me naive, but I would like to think that life will go on folks. Of course there will be wars, contention, and unrest. Gas prices will go up, then down, the probably up again, then probably down again. Maybe we won't need gas at all in the not too distant future.

People will continue to complain about the depravity of humanity, seeing only the evil going on in front of their faces while ignoring the not so rosy road that brought humanity to where it is today. I would like to paraphrase something someone smarter than me said, Polygamy, human sacrifice, cannibalism, wife beating, self mutilation, war, circumcision, castration and incest are perfectly "moral" actions in certain cultures and at certain times in our history.

I assume that hate crimes, cruelty and bigotry in its various forms will continue. As long as people continue to believe that they are somehow a chosen or better people. Some how above the rest, or privy to some special knowledge. Whether this belief comes from religion, or somewhere deep inside that special place in their heart, they feel that their God will reward his faithful and acknowledge their sacrifices and damn everyone else. Unfortunately, what it means to be one of God's faithful varies widely from religion to religion. We all know we are right and everyone else is in the dark. To quote Richard Dawkins; "...We are all atheist about most Gods humanity ever believed in..."

The pious believe it is their responsibility or privilege to, by the spirit, prove the absolute rightness (?) of their religion. To give a light to those in the dark. This sometimes offends the unwilling rescued. This is a story as old as humanity. It is the reason for unrest in the Middle East, apartheid, America, The Inquisition, The Salem witchcraft trials, human sacrifices, suicide bombers, the chastity belt, ethnic cleansing, racism, genocide, fillicide, infanticide, misogyny, wars, and you get the idea.

I guess in order for humanity to have the peace we so desperately preach, and want and crave, Christ is going to have to descsend from Heaven with all his pomp and granduer to end these arguments like most Christians believe he someday will. Maybe someday all this contention will be ended by the decimation of ALL life by some unstoppable force from the outer reaches of our universe. A gamma ray burst, a ravenous black hole, an asteroid, the birth of a new star, or the untimely death of our Sun. Maybe will will war ourselves to death. Each army confident that they are right, that God is on their side, and finally, maybe because of our carelessness, we will kill our Earth. The only planet in our Solar System capable of sustaining our existence. Pick your poison people...or maybe we could just coexist, with people and our planet. Maybe we could try to see that we are all just people trying to find our path, trying to be happy. It almost sounds trite, but so what. History has always been written by the winners, which why it is sometimes distorted. I would like to write my own history, without buying into alarmist mentalities, or messed up ideals, or conflicting standards. I just want to be me and be a genuinely good person, and to love life and people and diversity and live my life and allow others the same opportunity regardless of race, creed, religion, standards, political affiliation, nationality or sex.

-End Rant-

In other things on my mind but not so particularly controversial, did anyone see The Moon, Jupiter and Venus last night?

What an awesome time to be alive, People!

I love you, that is all.

R.I.P. Pushing Daisies

2008-11-23T11:20:00.000-08:00

Pushing Daisies is, metaphorically speaking Pushing Daisies. Was that lame? That was lame. I apologize.

Despite the heroic efforts of this gorgeous blog, and this letter:

Dear ABC,

I am a homeless, Legless, Armless and pie less person in love with the show Pushing Daises. It is my only joy in an otherwise very bleak and lonely world. If you cancel this show, I will have no reason to carry on. Seriously. None whatsoever. Do you really want that on your shoulders? Karma, ABC. Karma. Also, My deaf and blind veteran grandfather who fought for this country's freedom is also in love with Pushing Daisies. If not for me, Please save it for him. Also for LJ and Jimmy. Thank you and God Speed ABC.

as written by me at the request of LJ.

Pushing Daisies has been cancelled. How will I spend my Wednesday nights?

That is all.

~B

Portion of Assuagement

2008-11-17T18:44:00.000-08:00

This past evening I had the opportunity, nay privilege, of seeing the new 007 flick. Quantum of Solace. Pretty standard. All the quintessential Bond shenanigans complete with a Heavy capable of all manner of evil douche baggery. I liked it.

The title, I admit, I am not quite clear on. When they say "quantum" are they referring to the physics term? Radiant energy blah blah blah...Planck's constant blah blah blah times the frequency of blah blah blah...fundamental units...blah blah blah...?

A large quantity? A certain amount? of...solace?

So, by analyzing the above, I have deduced that the title means one of three things.

A. A Portion of Assuagement. (My personal favorite)

2. The smallest quantity of radiant energy brings comfort equal to the frequency of the associated radiation...?

C. Revenge and/or justice brings a large portion of comfort.

4. Daniel Craig is hot.

That is all.

True Stories from the life of Bethany: The Dog Poo Epistle

2008-11-07T14:35:00.001-08:00

This true story happened several weeks ago. At some point in mid to late September.

Upon arriving to Molly & Jake's house around 7:15 am, she (Molly) asked if I would help her put a board up on the fence. The purpose of the board was to keep their dog, Callie, from jumping the fence a running amok, as she was prone to do. I agreed to acquiesce her request because I am a very nice person.

At no point during the morning did I enter her yard.

As we were carrying this very large board and trying to maneuver it to a stable position on the fence, I was sure to caution Molly of the dog poo smeared all down one of edge of the board, because like I said in the second paragraph of this Epistle, I am a very nice person. I would also like to add that I am caring and concerned about the well being of those that are close to me.

It soon became apparent that this board was not long enough and would not serve the purpose she had imagined for it. We said screw it and jumped into the Honda to pick up her Mom.

On the way to Jackie's house, I began to smell the unmistakable odor...of dog crap. Molly hopped out of the car to utilize the thick grass in Jackies front yard, then we went along our merry way.

It was immediately apparent that this did not solve the odoriferous problem, and she began to search diligently for the poo. I searched half-heartedly, sure that it could not possibly be me, as I had not entered the yard (where all the poo was located) as I mentioned above. Molly had a package of wet towelettes which she used to clean off the bottom of her shoes, hoping to finally solve the problem. When that did not work, I looked a little closer at myself. It was then that I realized I was the problem. Not only did I have a thick coating of Callie poo on BOTH of my shoes, It was all over in my laces, and now, all over the carpet. Shocked and confused as I was, I agreed to clean the mess. Molly graciously handed me the wet wipes. Wiping the poo was too much for my delicate gag reflex. I began heaving. This set off other gag reflexes in the car. So there we were, all of us laughing, heaving, and tearing up from laughing and heaving.

Molly, who is both a courteous and conscientious driver decided it was in our best interest to pull over and solve this poo poo problem while parked. I hopped out of the car and began to drag my feet through the sparse dry grass on the side of the road. It was then that all of the other people who work with us and live in TaylorSnowlflakeville drove by and saw me traipsing through the dirt and dead grass, and Molly and Jackie doubled over laughing.

When we arrived, me still smelling strongly of Callie's hind end, everyone knew and I knew that my plans of cementing myself as the "cool" one in the office we tragically smashed to smithereens.

This is all true, all of it.

The End

p.s. For more of Callie's shenanigans, check out this GORGEOUS blog

True Stories from the life of Bethany

2008-10-26T18:05:00.000-07:00

I have decided to try something. It is an experiment for all ~~three~~ of you here that read this ~~sorry excuse for a~~ blog. I am going to be posting true stories from my life. All of these stories will be included in my memoir, but do not fear - those of you who have pre-ordered your copies, there will be a-plenty more in there not shared here.

In this my pilot post I would like to tell a story that happened last Tuesday. That's Tuesday October 21, 2008. I was at work, and the day progressed just like any other, until approximately 3:45 pm. Our last patient of the day phoned to let us know he and his lovely wife would be running late. Molly informed him (like any good receptionist/assistant should) that if he was going to be more than 15 minutes late, we would need to reschedule their appointments. He assured her that they would try their hardest to make it there no more than 15 minutes late. 4:15 came and went and both hygienists and the good Dr decided to leave for the day. At 4:16.9853424456756756723456367721 the patient walked through the door. It was at this point that Molly ~~calmly~~ told the patient that he would need to reschedule. Words were said, he was sad/mad/angry and Molly stood her ground. (But really, what other options did she have? Both dentists were gone, as were both Hygienists. It was just us, and obviously we do not have the proper training to perform whatever procedure he needed, right?) At this, the patient leaves the office.

We (Molly and I) decide it is time to clean the office and leave for the day. As she is tidying up the lobby, I point to the door and ask "Molly, is the door locked?" "Yes", she replied and then proceeded to make a joke about how we need to make sure that it really is locked because of what happened last night (Which by the way is another story). It is at this point that we hear a car drive up. Molly asked her mother, Jackie, if she could see who it was. To both Molly and I, it seemed as though she said "A Man". Molly freaks out. "IT'S HIM!! HE'S BACK!! HIDE!!1!1one!!!" She ducks into the bathroom, her mom dashes to the office, I look left, I look right, "No time, no time!!" I'm thinking frantically, I hear footsteps on the doorstep. I hit the ground, cover my eyes and promptly assume the fetal position. I lay there quivering because I am so excited and my adrenaline is pumping, I'm covering my eyes and giggling like a retard. Approximately 45 seconds go by, I start to feel safe about uncovering my eyes and getting up. At this point, I peek over my shoulder and I see a man, standing at the reception desk. Staring down at me. "Oh, HELLO!!!" I very over-enthusiastically said(practically screamed)to him. A lot of thoughts are flooding my mind at this point, but mostly I am hyper aware of two very embarrassing things. 1. The fact that I am currently still partially in the fetal position on the floor and B. My scrub bottoms are currently at half mast, and my ass is partially exposed.

I very clumsily tried to get up and and speak at the same time and failed ( I guess I'm not a multi-tasker), and then tried regain my whatever and communicate like a normal person. The entire time the patient is saying nothing, just staring at me. When he finally does speak, he asks "Where you napping?" To which I so very eloquently replied "uh..ye..uh, nnn uh, yea...uh...how...can I help you?"

The front door I am sure you have realized by this point, was.Not.Locked. There can only be one person to blame for this, and her name is Molly. Don't let her tell you differently.

For those of you who are visual learners, I have included this very accurate, very precise diagram, drawn by me.

For those of you whom this drawing did not help, you do not understand fine art, and therefore, I suggest you visit here: HERE

This is all true. All of it.

That is all.

~B

Road trips. Too much diet soda and not enough bathrooms breaks.

2008-10-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I traveled to Las Vegas, NV. It's a relatively large city in southern Nevada. I hadn't heard of it before. Perhaps you have?

There is a lot to do and see in Vegas, and I could see that it might appeal to many different kinds of people. I learned a lot too. I learned that if you walk around at night and are blinded by the bright lights, try to avoid looking down, as the ground is littered with business cards for all the *ahem* working girls in their business suits. Basically their naked bodies complete silicone/saline/Restylane enhancements. I will say this about Vegas, those wishing to pay homage to Bacchus, please, plan your trip now. Every where you look in Vegas, you will surely spy what could veritably be described as a Bacchanalia with slot machines.

While in Vegas I saw New York:

Paris:

Funny story about Paris. While there Heather and I decided to see if perhaps maybe possibly we could eat at the Eiffel Tower restaurant. There was a very nice man at the entrance to the elevator that told us we had nice smiles and could certainly get us a table. How nice, how smart I thought, giddy with anticipation at seeing this restaurant. A 5 star restaurant. Upon entering said restaurant it occurred to me that I was completely under while simultaneously being outrageously over dressed for this watering hole. The server was a real live stuffy french man, who was a little put out when we told him we only wanted to order dessert, Creme Brulee (which was in fact so rich, so mind blowingly perfect that I almost peed the perfectly upholstered red velvet dining chairs) a dish about the size of a small saucer, which we shared. We paid for our small dish of heaven, and hightailed it out of there but not before Heather was able to snag a couple boxes of Eiffel Tower Restaurant Matches. A souvenir if you will.

We also went to Madame Tussauds, where I met the waxy likenesses of Elvis, John Wayne and a couple other famous people, but they were really ugly pictures so I chose not to share them with you at this time. Maybe later.

All right, I'm off to go shower and conquer the world and all that crap as per usual. Come back soon for a new post. Or don't. See if I care. I do though. I do care. Please come back. Or whatever. Like I even give a crap. J/K. I give lots of crap. I was only kidding. I love you.

May the force be with you.

That is all.

~B

2008-09-27T18:14:00.000-07:00

I just discovered this. I am sick people. Sick. How could I have not known. I am shaken to the core, rocked upon my foundation, sick like plastered vomiting sorority chick.

How could I have not known. How will I carry on? God in your infinite wisdom, WHY?!?!?

I know I don't discuss my personal life often. (no seriously, Shut up! I don't) but this was just to great of a challenge to handle all on my own.

Clay Aiken is Gay

Your condolences to me can be sent as a monetary gift.

That is all.

~B

2008-09-23T21:46:00.001-07:00

Blogetty blog blog blog blog.

Blizzog.

Thank you, Hanie for tagging moi.

2008-09-21T17:17:00.001-07:00

20 years ago...
1. I wondered how people could possibly believe in Santa
2. Cambria Tuttle was my best friend
3. I was fascinated by dinosaurs, fossils and The Little Mermaid

10 years ago...
1. I was hating everything about Snowflake/Taylor, AZ
2. I Had a massive unrequited crush on Bowen and Green Days Billy Joe Armstrong
3. I thought mom would never let me get my drivers license

5 years ago...
1. I was a CSR for Lovitt, Touche & Hancock
2. I was in love with my(soon to be returned)missionary
3. I bought the dumbest car ever

3 years ago...
1. I was a teller at SunWest F.C.U.
2. I lived with Hanie and Genny at Val Vista Gardens!
3. I dated a few duds

1 year ago...
1. I Lived with Sharli at Heatherbrook!
2. I was a loan officer for S.W.F.C.U.
3. I First considered moving back to Taylor
4. Discovered a love for red pepper hummus

This year...
1. I moved home
2. Got a new job that I LOVE in my chosen field
3. cut my hair shorter than its ever been. I'm still not sure why...

Yesterday...
1. I cleaned the kitchen
2. bought some rad Halloween decorations
3. craved a Diet Pepsi more than anything. (I'm trying to quit)

Today...
1. I overslept...(whoopsie)
2. I ate some delicious delicious fresh honeydew and lime
3. I am going to watch the Emmy's!

Tomorrow...
1. I will wake up at the ass crack of dawn for work
2. I will suck some spit, blood, bits of tooth and other detritus
3. I will think about going to bed on time. (My life is exciting)

In the next year...
1. I will turn 27, and thus vow to finally date responsibly.
2. Return to college.
3. Pick up the pieces and whip my own ass into shape.
4. Go to Europe!!!

I tag everyone. Everyone, everywhere.

Also,

2008-09-18T19:15:00.001-07:00

I ripped this off of the internetz somewhere, and I didn't ask. Whatever, so sue me.

Now. Seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY!!!! NOW my life...has meaning. A purpose, and yet, it seems no matter what I do, I am destined for mediocrity.

I could die happy. RIGHT. THIS. MOMENT.

2008-09-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

This

AND THIS!!!!

Are now this!!! And this is back!!!

Oh my gosh! Like(!), I'm soooooo stoked!

NKOTB LOVE 4 EVA!!!!

think I was the last person on the planet to learn about this development.

And just because I know you wanted this song too...

An old epiphany I would like to share with you now, since I just stumbled upon the blog of the epitome of who I will never be

2008-09-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

...(Continued from the title) because I just don't have it in me. If that didn't make sense, whatever. Stop reading then.

I will never be a quilting-canning-crafting-relief society teaching-enrichment attending-super mom with a cute, clever house and scrap books.

This both saddens and annoys the living hell out of me, and all the while I am irked BY those seemingly perfect, tirelessly clever and perky perfect women.

That is all.

~B

It's On My Mind...

2008-09-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

I feel so full of something today. I am just going to come right out say it:

I am really just wondering who the hell sending their gold jewelry in those dumb little envelopes to those scam artists on T.V. saying they'll melt it and send real do re mi in return?

Let me just see if I have this right. You take a big ol' handful of all that old gold you have laying around your house (real gold, the kind that is a precious metal) stuff it in the self addressed envelope that they (the, in my opinion, thieving, conniving bastards on the TV) send you and mail it off with some hope and magic that someone somewhere will 1. actually receive it. B) not pretend like they didn't receive it 3. tell you legitimately what it melted down to usable gold bars d) tell you legitimately what that weight in gold is really worth and finally 5. send you an actual, legitimate, honest to goodness cashable check. Well, frick! what an awesome idea! Absolutely nothing could possibly ever go wrong with this! Hand me that damn envelope!

This is just in case you don't believe me because you are much too busy to watch television or some other reason you're probably fibbing about too

This is not a very pleasant post.

2008-08-27T21:35:00.001-07:00

How could I let a single phone call make me feel like the new awkward weird kid on the first day of high school in a new town all over again?

Taylor, Dentists, moving home, Mt Baldy, new shoes and other things that wont fit in this title because it is already WAAAAAAAAAY too long.

2008-08-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

Hello my lovlies. It's been so long, and it does not shame me to admit that I have missed you more than words or even song can express.

To begin this blog post of epic proportions, I would just like to mention for your reading pleasure that I have recently moved home. You know, back to my parents house. I can justify this by telling you that I am currently living in their basement, and I have my own T.V. complete with satellite which is in my name AND I pay for it, which makes it ok that I am 26 and live in my parents basement. Ask anyone. Ok, only ask my 40 year old cousin that still lives with his Mom and she still makes his bed. He'll tell you it's ok.

Actually, I don't have a 40 year old cousin that still lives with his Mom. That's me desperately grasping at straws to make myself feel better about me and my Moms basement. My justifications are out of control, and as someone religious (and self righteous I might add) once said, "YOU CAN JUSTIFY YOURSELF STRAIGHT TO HELL!". I say, whatever gets you through the night eh? Heh heh *wink wink, elbow nudge elbow nudge*. I'll quit now, and move on.

So, for your viewing pleasure, I have put together a slide of some pictures I've taken recently. Mostly just stuff around here and a few hikes I've been on since I moved home. I also threw in a random shoe picture, because they are new and cute and I love shoes.

Much love!

~B

Salmonella schmalmonella. I don't care just give me some damn tomato.

2008-07-01T20:23:00.000-07:00

The whole tomato scarcity seriously put a very inconvenient hitch my culinary style, and I don't even really love tomatoes. And when I say "very inconvenient hitch in my culinary style" I of course mean pissing me the hell off. The best way to make me crave something? Tell me I can't have it. This probably explains my desire for things like my very own continent, or to have a an observation pod on Mars or Saturn. So take a guess as to what I craved for a number of days while this thing was going on? Go ahead. Guess. Never mind, never mind. Stop guessing.

So, end of my time here at ol' Heatherbrook is fast approaching. I approach this move with some trepidation. I will miss things like this:

My living room. I love it. It's mine, and soon I won't have one.

Cheap, slightly burnt frozen pizza. Instead, I will HAVE to eat, real, healthy home cooked meals.

.

Will miss other types of foods, such as this:

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. You're thinking, "Why is Bethany so Cool?" And I have to say, I really don't know. I think it's a gift from God. But in addition to this, you're probably wondering why I won't be able to eat Cap'n Crunch at home. You were weren't you?! Well, this is the equivalent of toxic waste in my moms house. It's true. I'm not making this up.

Also, it is going to be difficult to hide my increasing dependability on this most beauteous nectar. This would also be deemed "toxic waste".

There are some things about me and my life, that no matter where I live, will never change. Like the following:

::Sigh:: All in all, I feel like this move is positive, it's just a gonna be rough adjustment. Oy.

In closing I would just like to say: Word to you collective mothers.

-B

This Vacation Was AbsoFreakingLutely Falwless!

2008-05-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to all ~~two~~ of the people who read this blog for taking so long to post. Now, due to the overwhelming demand* I know, all ~~two~~ of you have been on pins and needles** waiting for this update. So, since we're all pretty tight*** and I consider you all good friends†, here are some of my amazing amazing photos. A peek, if you will, into my fabulous life.

Grand Canyon. As seen from the South Rim (or was it the North....?) I don't remember because it was the longest 70 miles I've ever traveled, because it wasn't 70 miles it was 120 (thanks a lot stupid guy at the gas station that tried to tell us it was 70 miles to the canyon when it was really like 120. He also told us we wouldn't catch any fish without a guide. Heh heh heh. What a dumb ass! ...wait...). In any case, it was gorgeous, and I think that every Arizonan should behold the overwhelming beauty of the Grand Canyon.

This is a tower at the Grand Canyon. It was neat dash o.

Some random (but AMAZING!)pictures I took of the scenery around us

This was a sign posted just south of where the Paria river meets the Colorado. I took it to inspire positive thoughts about all of the trophy beauties we would catch there. Alas, we didn't catch any, and thus this piece of shit sign becomes obnoxious, and I guess a little ironic.

This is the only fish that was caught over the course of my time off, and it was caught by me, because I am amazing, at Hawley Lake Near McNary on the Rez.

This picture is an artists rendering of what the Grand Canyon/Marble Canyon area looked like at some point during the Jurassic period .

That is all.

*zero, actually.

**Dying of boredom

***Except for you Steve

† Some of you anyway.

Ze Office 'as returned!

2008-04-13T16:58:00.000-07:00

I have been waiting ever so patiently for The Office to return. And now it has. With one of the most awkward episodes EVER...

This was me before the show:

I was a little aprehensive. It has been a while. Up to this point they haven't let me down, so I began to feel like this:

Confident that it was going to be a good one.

After watching the long awaited, much anticipated return episode, this was me:

It was TRIUMPHAL! I loved every awkward, hilarious second of it.

2008-04-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

I got a blog. I'm a blogging blogerton.

In this, my first post I have decided to show case why I love Arizona in the Spring. I Took these pictures at South Moutain park a few mornings ago. The flowers were amazing, the view was perfection, and I almost almost decided that I would never have to leave...till all the water I drank started knocking.

Totally off topic, but its about time for this:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/popculture/a359/

The End.