True Stories from the life of Bethany

I have decided to try something. It is an experiment for all three of you here that read this sorry excuse for a blog. I am going to be posting true stories from my life. All of these stories will be included in my memoir, but do not fear - those of you who have pre-ordered your copies, there will be a-plenty more in there not shared here.

In this my pilot post I would like to tell a story that happened last Tuesday. That's Tuesday October 21, 2008. I was at work, and the day progressed just like any other, until approximately 3:45 pm. Our last patient of the day phoned to let us know he and his lovely wife would be running late. Molly informed him (like any good receptionist/assistant should) that if he was going to be more than 15 minutes late, we would need to reschedule their appointments. He assured her that they would try their hardest to make it there no more than 15 minutes late. 4:15 came and went and both hygienists and the good Dr decided to leave for the day. At 4:16.9853424456756756723456367721 the patient walked through the door. It was at this point that Molly calmly told the patient that he would need to reschedule. Words were said, he was sad/mad/angry and Molly stood her ground. (But really, what other options did she have? Both dentists were gone, as were both Hygienists. It was just us, and obviously we do not have the proper training to perform whatever procedure he needed, right?) At this, the patient leaves the office.

We (Molly and I) decide it is time to clean the office and leave for the day. As she is tidying up the lobby, I point to the door and ask "Molly, is the door locked?" "Yes", she replied and then proceeded to make a joke about how we need to make sure that it really is locked because of what happened last night (Which by the way is another story). It is at this point that we hear a car drive up. Molly asked her mother, Jackie, if she could see who it was. To both Molly and I, it seemed as though she said "A Man". Molly freaks out. "IT'S HIM!! HE'S BACK!! HIDE!!1!1one!!!" She ducks into the bathroom, her mom dashes to the office, I look left, I look right, "No time, no time!!" I'm thinking frantically, I hear footsteps on the doorstep. I hit the ground, cover my eyes and promptly assume the fetal position. I lay there quivering because I am so excited and my adrenaline is pumping, I'm covering my eyes and giggling like a retard. Approximately 45 seconds go by, I start to feel safe about uncovering my eyes and getting up. At this point, I peek over my shoulder and I see a man, standing at the reception desk. Staring down at me. "Oh, HELLO!!!" I very over-enthusiastically said(practically screamed)to him. A lot of thoughts are flooding my mind at this point, but mostly I am hyper aware of two very embarrassing things. 1. The fact that I am currently still partially in the fetal position on the floor and B. My scrub bottoms are currently at half mast, and my ass is partially exposed.

I very clumsily tried to get up and and speak at the same time and failed ( I guess I'm not a multi-tasker), and then tried regain my whatever and communicate like a normal person. The entire time the patient is saying nothing, just staring at me. When he finally does speak, he asks "Where you napping?" To which I so very eloquently replied "uh..ye..uh, nnn uh, yea...uh...how...can I help you?"

The front door I am sure you have realized by this point, was.Not.Locked. There can only be one person to blame for this, and her name is Molly. Don't let her tell you differently.

For those of you who are visual learners, I have included this very accurate, very precise diagram, drawn by me.




For those of you whom this drawing did not help, you do not understand fine art, and therefore, I suggest you visit here: HERE

This is all true. All of it.

That is all.

~B

Road trips. Too much diet soda and not enough bathrooms breaks.

Last weekend I traveled to Las Vegas, NV. It's a relatively large city in southern Nevada. I hadn't heard of it before. Perhaps you have?

There is a lot to do and see in Vegas, and I could see that it might appeal to many different kinds of people. I learned a lot too. I learned that if you walk around at night and are blinded by the bright lights, try to avoid looking down, as the ground is littered with business cards for all the *ahem* working girls in their business suits. Basically their naked bodies complete silicone/saline/Restylane enhancements. I will say this about Vegas, those wishing to pay homage to Bacchus, please, plan your trip now. Every where you look in Vegas, you will surely spy what could veritably be described as a Bacchanalia with slot machines.


While in Vegas I saw New York:



Paris:


Funny story about Paris. While there Heather and I decided to see if perhaps maybe possibly we could eat at the Eiffel Tower restaurant. There was a very nice man at the entrance to the elevator that told us we had nice smiles and could certainly get us a table. How nice, how smart I thought, giddy with anticipation at seeing this restaurant. A 5 star restaurant. Upon entering said restaurant it occurred to me that I was completely under while simultaneously being outrageously over dressed for this watering hole. The server was a real live stuffy french man, who was a little put out when we told him we only wanted to order dessert, Creme Brulee (which was in fact so rich, so mind blowingly perfect that I almost peed the perfectly upholstered red velvet dining chairs) a dish about the size of a small saucer, which we shared. We paid for our small dish of heaven, and hightailed it out of there but not before Heather was able to snag a couple boxes of Eiffel Tower Restaurant Matches. A souvenir if you will.

We also went to Madame Tussauds, where I met the waxy likenesses of Elvis, John Wayne and a couple other famous people, but they were really ugly pictures so I chose not to share them with you at this time. Maybe later.



All right, I'm off to go shower and conquer the world and all that crap as per usual. Come back soon for a new post. Or don't. See if I care. I do though. I do care. Please come back. Or whatever. Like I even give a crap. J/K. I give lots of crap. I was only kidding. I love you.

May the force be with you.

That is all.

~B