This true story happened several weeks ago. At some point in mid to late September.
Upon arriving to Molly & Jake's house around 7:15 am, she (Molly) asked if I would help her put a board up on the fence. The purpose of the board was to keep their dog, Callie, from jumping the fence a running amok, as she was prone to do. I agreed to acquiesce her request because I am a very nice person.
At no point during the morning did I enter her yard.
As we were carrying this very large board and trying to maneuver it to a stable position on the fence, I was sure to caution Molly of the dog poo smeared all down one of edge of the board, because like I said in the second paragraph of this Epistle, I am a very nice person. I would also like to add that I am caring and concerned about the well being of those that are close to me.
It soon became apparent that this board was not long enough and would not serve the purpose she had imagined for it. We said screw it and jumped into the Honda to pick up her Mom.
On the way to Jackie's house, I began to smell the unmistakable odor...of dog crap. Molly hopped out of the car to utilize the thick grass in Jackies front yard, then we went along our merry way.
It was immediately apparent that this did not solve the odoriferous problem, and she began to search diligently for the poo. I searched half-heartedly, sure that it could not possibly be me, as I had not entered the yard (where all the poo was located) as I mentioned above. Molly had a package of wet towelettes which she used to clean off the bottom of her shoes, hoping to finally solve the problem. When that did not work, I looked a little closer at myself. It was then that I realized I was the problem. Not only did I have a thick coating of Callie poo on BOTH of my shoes, It was all over in my laces, and now, all over the carpet. Shocked and confused as I was, I agreed to clean the mess. Molly graciously handed me the wet wipes. Wiping the poo was too much for my delicate gag reflex. I began heaving. This set off other gag reflexes in the car. So there we were, all of us laughing, heaving, and tearing up from laughing and heaving.
Molly, who is both a courteous and conscientious driver decided it was in our best interest to pull over and solve this poo poo problem while parked. I hopped out of the car and began to drag my feet through the sparse dry grass on the side of the road. It was then that all of the other people who work with us and live in TaylorSnowlflakeville drove by and saw me traipsing through the dirt and dead grass, and Molly and Jackie doubled over laughing.
When we arrived, me still smelling strongly of Callie's hind end, everyone knew and I knew that my plans of cementing myself as the "cool" one in the office we tragically smashed to smithereens.
This is all true, all of it.
The End
p.s. For more of Callie's shenanigans, check out this GORGEOUS blog
No comments:
Post a Comment