Pushing Daisies is, metaphorically speaking Pushing Daisies. Was that lame? That was lame. I apologize.
Despite the heroic efforts of this gorgeous blog, and this letter:
Dear ABC,
I am a homeless, Legless, Armless and pie less person in love with the show Pushing Daises. It is my only joy in an otherwise very bleak and lonely world. If you cancel this show, I will have no reason to carry on. Seriously. None whatsoever. Do you really want that on your shoulders? Karma, ABC. Karma. Also, My deaf and blind veteran grandfather who fought for this country's freedom is also in love with Pushing Daisies. If not for me, Please save it for him. Also for LJ and Jimmy. Thank you and God Speed ABC.
as written by me at the request of LJ.
Pushing Daisies has been cancelled. How will I spend my Wednesday nights?
That is all.
~B
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Portion of Assuagement
This past evening I had the opportunity, nay privilege, of seeing the new 007 flick. Quantum of Solace. Pretty standard. All the quintessential Bond shenanigans complete with a Heavy capable of all manner of evil douche baggery. I liked it.
The title, I admit, I am not quite clear on. When they say "quantum" are they referring to the physics term? Radiant energy blah blah blah...Planck's constant blah blah blah times the frequency of blah blah blah...fundamental units...blah blah blah...?
A large quantity? A certain amount? of...solace?
So, by analyzing the above, I have deduced that the title means one of three things.
A. A Portion of Assuagement. (My personal favorite)
2. The smallest quantity of radiant energy brings comfort equal to the frequency of the associated radiation...?
C. Revenge and/or justice brings a large portion of comfort.
4. Daniel Craig is hot.
That is all.
The title, I admit, I am not quite clear on. When they say "quantum" are they referring to the physics term? Radiant energy blah blah blah...Planck's constant blah blah blah times the frequency of blah blah blah...fundamental units...blah blah blah...?
A large quantity? A certain amount? of...solace?
So, by analyzing the above, I have deduced that the title means one of three things.
A. A Portion of Assuagement. (My personal favorite)
2. The smallest quantity of radiant energy brings comfort equal to the frequency of the associated radiation...?
C. Revenge and/or justice brings a large portion of comfort.
4. Daniel Craig is hot.
That is all.
Friday, November 7, 2008
True Stories from the life of Bethany: The Dog Poo Epistle
This true story happened several weeks ago. At some point in mid to late September.
Upon arriving to Molly & Jake's house around 7:15 am, she (Molly) asked if I would help her put a board up on the fence. The purpose of the board was to keep their dog, Callie, from jumping the fence a running amok, as she was prone to do. I agreed to acquiesce her request because I am a very nice person.
At no point during the morning did I enter her yard.
As we were carrying this very large board and trying to maneuver it to a stable position on the fence, I was sure to caution Molly of the dog poo smeared all down one of edge of the board, because like I said in the second paragraph of this Epistle, I am a very nice person. I would also like to add that I am caring and concerned about the well being of those that are close to me.
It soon became apparent that this board was not long enough and would not serve the purpose she had imagined for it. We said screw it and jumped into the Honda to pick up her Mom.
On the way to Jackie's house, I began to smell the unmistakable odor...of dog crap. Molly hopped out of the car to utilize the thick grass in Jackies front yard, then we went along our merry way.
It was immediately apparent that this did not solve the odoriferous problem, and she began to search diligently for the poo. I searched half-heartedly, sure that it could not possibly be me, as I had not entered the yard (where all the poo was located) as I mentioned above. Molly had a package of wet towelettes which she used to clean off the bottom of her shoes, hoping to finally solve the problem. When that did not work, I looked a little closer at myself. It was then that I realized I was the problem. Not only did I have a thick coating of Callie poo on BOTH of my shoes, It was all over in my laces, and now, all over the carpet. Shocked and confused as I was, I agreed to clean the mess. Molly graciously handed me the wet wipes. Wiping the poo was too much for my delicate gag reflex. I began heaving. This set off other gag reflexes in the car. So there we were, all of us laughing, heaving, and tearing up from laughing and heaving.
Molly, who is both a courteous and conscientious driver decided it was in our best interest to pull over and solve this poo poo problem while parked. I hopped out of the car and began to drag my feet through the sparse dry grass on the side of the road. It was then that all of the other people who work with us and live in TaylorSnowlflakeville drove by and saw me traipsing through the dirt and dead grass, and Molly and Jackie doubled over laughing.
When we arrived, me still smelling strongly of Callie's hind end, everyone knew and I knew that my plans of cementing myself as the "cool" one in the office we tragically smashed to smithereens.
This is all true, all of it.
The End
p.s. For more of Callie's shenanigans, check out this GORGEOUS blog
Upon arriving to Molly & Jake's house around 7:15 am, she (Molly) asked if I would help her put a board up on the fence. The purpose of the board was to keep their dog, Callie, from jumping the fence a running amok, as she was prone to do. I agreed to acquiesce her request because I am a very nice person.
At no point during the morning did I enter her yard.
As we were carrying this very large board and trying to maneuver it to a stable position on the fence, I was sure to caution Molly of the dog poo smeared all down one of edge of the board, because like I said in the second paragraph of this Epistle, I am a very nice person. I would also like to add that I am caring and concerned about the well being of those that are close to me.
It soon became apparent that this board was not long enough and would not serve the purpose she had imagined for it. We said screw it and jumped into the Honda to pick up her Mom.
On the way to Jackie's house, I began to smell the unmistakable odor...of dog crap. Molly hopped out of the car to utilize the thick grass in Jackies front yard, then we went along our merry way.
It was immediately apparent that this did not solve the odoriferous problem, and she began to search diligently for the poo. I searched half-heartedly, sure that it could not possibly be me, as I had not entered the yard (where all the poo was located) as I mentioned above. Molly had a package of wet towelettes which she used to clean off the bottom of her shoes, hoping to finally solve the problem. When that did not work, I looked a little closer at myself. It was then that I realized I was the problem. Not only did I have a thick coating of Callie poo on BOTH of my shoes, It was all over in my laces, and now, all over the carpet. Shocked and confused as I was, I agreed to clean the mess. Molly graciously handed me the wet wipes. Wiping the poo was too much for my delicate gag reflex. I began heaving. This set off other gag reflexes in the car. So there we were, all of us laughing, heaving, and tearing up from laughing and heaving.
Molly, who is both a courteous and conscientious driver decided it was in our best interest to pull over and solve this poo poo problem while parked. I hopped out of the car and began to drag my feet through the sparse dry grass on the side of the road. It was then that all of the other people who work with us and live in TaylorSnowlflakeville drove by and saw me traipsing through the dirt and dead grass, and Molly and Jackie doubled over laughing.
When we arrived, me still smelling strongly of Callie's hind end, everyone knew and I knew that my plans of cementing myself as the "cool" one in the office we tragically smashed to smithereens.
This is all true, all of it.
The End
p.s. For more of Callie's shenanigans, check out this GORGEOUS blog
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